Self sabotage or self support?

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“If you celebrate your differentness, the world will, too. It believes exactly what you tell it—through the words you use to describe yourself, the actions you take to care for yourself and the choices you make to express yourself. Tell the world you are one-of-a-kind creation who came here to experience wonder and spread joy. Expect to be accommodated.” Victoria Moran, Lit From Within: Tending Your Soul for Lifelong Beauty

Usually the voice we listen to the most is our inner voice. It is the one which urges us to go for it or to hold back and reflects how we are feeling. It should be positively working in our best interests but all too often we are actually sabotaging ourselves by allowing our inner voice to sound negative and disparaging towards us. It becomes not just our inner self talking to us, but all the negative people we may have had in our life who have held us down or belittled us and occasionally it might even begin to sound like them. Listening to that is never going to give us the confidence to achieve what we dream of and worse still we it may well impact negatively our behaviour and actions making feel insecure and doubtful and that in turn will in turn reflect outwards potentially causing others to doubt us too. We all need to regularly stop and listen to what we are saying to ourselves and if we find that we are always being harsh and unsupportive in our self-talk we must take the time and make the effort to change it. Every time we are faced with a choice, an opportunity or a request, in fact any time that we engage our inner voice to give us help, motivation and support, we need to stop and listen to what we are actually saying to ourselves. Is it supportive and encouraging or are we putting ourselves down and making ourselves feel insecure and even insignificant. If so we need to change it and simply start by thinking how we would want someone we love a lot to be spoken to and then use the same tone and the same words that we would like them to hear to motivate ourselves. Often we find that learning how to do this has a double benefit for us as if we can be kinder towards ourselves it makes it much easier to feel more kindly towards others and that in turn is how we enrich our life. Have a great day, Karen x

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We are not all Doomed

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Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.

Charles Spurgeon.

I find that nowadays it is easy for a normally rational person to become anxious and irrational in minutes just by watching the news, reading an article or even simply reading the possible side effects of bog standard medication. It seems sensational scary headlines and information disguised as informative but often quite misleading, is the order of the day. They give us bite sized facts but do not give space for the more reassuring explanation of these facts which might actually take away the fear. The effect of this is that we are all left feeling various degrees of anxiety and fear. Emotions which can overwhelm and trick us in to believing that we are quite powerless and just have to  sit and await our inevitable doom. Well, that is until the next scare changes our anxiety from one direction to face another and the whole cycle starts again.

I experienced a variation of this first hand following the birth of my youngest daughter. All my girls were born by caesarian section as I had as it turned out what the consultant kindly called an “incompetent womb” it seems that my womb tried hard to work properly, too hard, but was in fact pushing the baby out in the opposite direction to where it was supposed to be going. Not particularly comfortable for me and actually quite distressing for the baby. So when their heartbeats dropped dangerously low both my first two children were delivered by emergency caesarian section.

My first C section received few comments but after my second I received a lot of sympathy from well-meaning Mums who were sad for me not being able to have a natural birth and angry for me that the doctors had interfered with the whole process! My second birth was on Christmas Day. At the time there was a huge movement towards promoting natural births and lots of literature was about that suggested Doctors were delivering babies by section in order to keep to their own timetables. Whether this was the case or not I can’t say, it could have happened, but and it is a big but, each case is different and caution should always be used when trotting out information indiscriminately. In my case their facts were fiction. The same as my first delivery, progress was slow and I was wired up to show my baby’s heartbeat. The wires showed when my daughter’s heartbeat dropped from 140 beats a min to 60 and then 40.She was delivered by section less than 5 minutes later.

Fortunately the senior registrar who was in charge of my delivery had been on for the birth of my first daughter 18 months previously. He had witnessed everything that had happened and the speed of the problem when it occurred. The consultant however, who was in overall charge of my care only read the notes, which apparently showed no obvious reason for my previous failure to deliver. At this time ,coincidence or not, there was a group of pro natural birthers looking at the hospital c section figures and  it was suggested to me that the hospital wanted to please them by giving them as many “natural” births as possible. The Consultant had decided that I should be managed as a natural delivery. Had I not had a section my daughter would not be here. Of that there is no doubt. When my third daughter was due to be born there was no question that it should not be by any other method than elective caesarian section. After a smooth and successful delivery we were now confronted by another anxiety inducing situation.I was immediately asked to sign a form giving permission for her to receive a vitamin K injection. This form advised my husband and I that a small study had shown a potential link between giving vitamin K and early childhood illness. However, it also pointed out that failure to give this could lead to bleeding on the brain. I was really upset. We gave permission because we felt that we had no choice. When I came home I couldn’t sleep worrying about what we had done. I saw my GP and she shook her head and gently explained to me that both of my previous daughters were given vitamin K injections as soon as they were born as it was essential. I just hadn’t been asked because at that time there was no protocol for asking. She looked up the study concerned and pointed out to me that there was little if any link with cancer found and in her opinion this should not even have been mentioned. When I went home I did my own research and finally was able to sleep at night. It made me mad as well as scared that they would present me with such a tenuous piece of information just to self-protect, regardless of how worried it made me and other parents feel who were asked to sign.

From then on I developed a pattern. If something scares me I do my own research. I tell my clients to do the same. Do not look at terrifying headlines telling us we are all doomed and go away scared to live. Research it and take action to change if you need or dismiss it as you need. Some people thrive on being the prophets of doom. It gives them energy, yours. Sometimes it is simply stupidity in that they repeat what they have heard without thinking of the consequences of what they are saying and without checking the facts. Do not hide your head in the sand, be informed, but be correctly informed and for that you need to recognize that not all learning and information comes from the one source. Take charge of your life and your emotions and you will be less anxious and happier for it.